Rosbel Puello, MA, LPC, NCC

Ocean Partnership for Children, Inc.

36 Washington St. Toms River, NJ 08753

Reyna, a 13-year-old in eighth grade has locked herself in her room for the fifth consecutive day.  Emilio, who is a single father, is growing increasingly concerned about his daughter, as this is out of character for her.  Reyna is typically known as the social butterfly of the family; however she has not said a word to him or her siblings for days.  When Reyna goes to school the next morning, Emilio looks through her bedroom and finds a journal entry in youth’s computer, where she discloses that she was attacked and sexually assaulted by a group of boys on her way home from school a week ago.  Emilio gasps and struggles to process this information.

Finding out that one’s child has experienced sexual abuse can feel alarming and devastating.  The following are some tips for parents on ways to respond to the discovery that their child has lived through sexual trauma:

-Always believe your child.  Disclosing that one has experienced sexual trauma can be extremely frightening for the victim and it takes much courage to come forward with this information.  The lack of emotional support and validation can be significantly emotionally damaging and will only further compound the child’s trauma and sense of loneliness.

-Take your child to the hospital to obtain medical examination and rule out any injuries or health issues caused by the trauma. In addition, contact the appropriate authorities, including the police and your local Department of Child Protection for further investigation and support.

-Refrain from asking your child to provide details of the trauma.  This can exacerbate fear and anxiety and, in some instances, can produce flashbacks of the event.  Instead, listen to and validate your child during conversations about their feelings.  Reassure them that they are safe now and that you will protect them from further harm.

-If the perpetrator is someone closely known to youth and/or the family, ensure that this person does not have access to youth physically nor through social media or telephone. Seeing this person, can further trigger panic and a feeling of being unsafe in the world.

-Understand that trauma changes the brain.  There is scientific evidence that children who have experienced trauma have increased anxiety, depression, and changes in perception of danger and safety.  If your child is struggling to regulate their emotions, this is not an exaggeration of behaviors, but rather a normal response to a traumatic event.

-Enroll your child in trauma-focused therapy with a specialist. You may be asked to participate in family therapy and individual therapy of your own in order to assist you in further helping your child. Having a safe space to process the many feelings that come along with trauma, including shame, guilt, anger, and sadness is crucial.  Trauma can often lead to feelings of hopelessness and even suicidal ideations. If your child expresses thoughts of harming themself, seek help immediately by taking your child to the emergency room for further evaluation.

-Be aware that things in your child’s surrounding which may have previously been normal to them, may now be a trigger.  Sights, sounds and smells can elicit a trauma response and remind your child of the abuse they experienced.  Be sensitive to this and assist them in identifying and removing possible triggers.

In summary, living through and navigating life after sexual trauma is extremely painful for survivors and their families.  However, it is important to know that they are not alone.  There is always hope and light after trauma.  With love, validation, and gentle guidance children can weather the storm and regain feelings of trust and safety.

For information on services provided by Ocean Partnership for Children, Inc., please visit our website, www.oceanpartnership.org or contact us at (732) 202-1585.

Last Updated: 06/17/24